I am giving myself a pat on the back for today. I have excercised for 5 days in a row (YAY ME!) and I have also been blogging everyday this week. I did blog yesterday but the ipad did something crazy so instead of posting my blog it saved it as a draft and I was to tired to try and find it.
Today was a so-so day for me. Mostly battling things in my head. The main thing is fear, and specifically fear of failure. It started when I put my jeans back on today and they seemed a little harder to do, not really sure why havent changed anything back, but that just put me in a tailspin of internally freaking out. I mean like thinking I have messed up my jeans are a little tighter today instead of looser, why are they? Am I doing something wrong? Will I ever beat this battle? One thing though that I am begining to truly understand though is that no matter who you are you cant just eat however you like and not have the side effects that a healthy lifestyle is all about choices whether you eat that cupcake or the cup of broccoli, whether you make the right or wrong choice. It is also more than a diet yo-yo. Its more than "Well, I ran an extra mile today so that pizza or cake or _______ (insert your own desire) wont count or because I ran that extra mile I deserve it" No this is not just some attempt to lose 60, 70, 80, 100, or more lbs for me this is a complete life overhaul. This is no more excuses and conquering the mind games that have kept me captive its also having the support in my life on the days that I feel fear or have a great day or so-so day that can tell me you can do it, or hey this might work, or even call me out on what I am doing. Who knows how long this initial journey will be, to get to my healthy weight, but I know that this is a lifelong journey of always making the healthy choices to choose excercise over tv, and carrots over cake, and water over soda. While it isnt always going to be easy or fun it is so worth the end results and thats more than being skinny. Some of the rewards I wont even know for a couple or so years.
I have been reading a friend of mine's blog about her journey and struggle to weight loss and a healthy lifestyle and here are a couple of blog entries that I read today that encouraged me.
I've never come this close to giving up
Easter Candy is the Spawn of Satan
Showing posts with label personal battle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal battle. Show all posts
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Day 3
Today was another great day. Woke up had my shake and pills with my 32 oz of water. For lunch I got kinda in a rush was trying to get out the door to go meet my 2 older nieces at the bus stop so they wouldnt get to their house before me and I made my shake to go. Well I pulled a blonde moment, I have been putting my multivitamin in my shake and crushing it up so its one less pill to swallow at breakfast and lunch, and I threw one in my shake and was in such a rush I couldnt remember if I had or not so just to be safe because I didnt want to miss it I threw another one in. LOL, so I ended up with 2 multivitamins in one meal.
"C" called me this afternoon doing another checkup call and I asked her if it was bad if I did that with the two vitamins and she said no and was like it will just make your pee even more bright yellow. And speaking of pee, yes I know, mine has been like neon yellow the past few days. Quite interesting, never seen anything like it.
So I have definitely learned my lesson and wont go more than four hours ever again between meals. We had our womens monthly get together at our church tonight and I didnt have time to make dinner before we left which was right at my four hour mark. We didnt get home until 830 and didnt have dinner until 9 which was 7 hours between meals and it was bad. I dont think I have ever felt so hungry and my stomach hurt to the point I had almost lost all of my appetite. Note to self, dont do that again. Other than that everything here is going good. I am excited to start my couch to 5k next week and I am so proud of myself for sticking with this and getting up and making sure that I excercise every morning which is something that I havent ever done this many days on my own but it helps that I feel a little accountable to our roomie who is doing this with me. I know she is excercising to I make sure I am doing it too.
Personal reflections for today: I have been feeling a lot of fear today. Fear of failing yet again. I am so afraid that this isnt going to work and I am trying to get over it. Even right now I think about did I over do dinner which I know I didnt. I stayed right within my portions and I was fine. I think this fear comes from failing so many times before that every other attempt I have ever made has failed. I dont think I could handle failing this again. I know really at this point I can only fail myself because I am setting high expectations. I am wanting to see the same weight loss as "A" (roomie) in the first week. I think that I will feel like I failed if I dont lose as much as her or more in the first week. I know thats ridiculous because I know that at this point any weight loss is good, but I want the big numbers. I would love to lose at least 15 lbs this first week. I know thats a lot but this was a radical lifestyle change. I know that I will succeed and I know I am sticking with this until I beat this battle in my head.
"C" called me this afternoon doing another checkup call and I asked her if it was bad if I did that with the two vitamins and she said no and was like it will just make your pee even more bright yellow. And speaking of pee, yes I know, mine has been like neon yellow the past few days. Quite interesting, never seen anything like it.
So I have definitely learned my lesson and wont go more than four hours ever again between meals. We had our womens monthly get together at our church tonight and I didnt have time to make dinner before we left which was right at my four hour mark. We didnt get home until 830 and didnt have dinner until 9 which was 7 hours between meals and it was bad. I dont think I have ever felt so hungry and my stomach hurt to the point I had almost lost all of my appetite. Note to self, dont do that again. Other than that everything here is going good. I am excited to start my couch to 5k next week and I am so proud of myself for sticking with this and getting up and making sure that I excercise every morning which is something that I havent ever done this many days on my own but it helps that I feel a little accountable to our roomie who is doing this with me. I know she is excercising to I make sure I am doing it too.
Personal reflections for today: I have been feeling a lot of fear today. Fear of failing yet again. I am so afraid that this isnt going to work and I am trying to get over it. Even right now I think about did I over do dinner which I know I didnt. I stayed right within my portions and I was fine. I think this fear comes from failing so many times before that every other attempt I have ever made has failed. I dont think I could handle failing this again. I know really at this point I can only fail myself because I am setting high expectations. I am wanting to see the same weight loss as "A" (roomie) in the first week. I think that I will feel like I failed if I dont lose as much as her or more in the first week. I know thats ridiculous because I know that at this point any weight loss is good, but I want the big numbers. I would love to lose at least 15 lbs this first week. I know thats a lot but this was a radical lifestyle change. I know that I will succeed and I know I am sticking with this until I beat this battle in my head.
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